I had every intention of trying to update the blog regularly but life doesn't always work out as you would like it to. We've had a few struggles over here with our little guy. His transition has not been smooth but very few people get through the first weeks without some difficulty. There is a saying in adoption, you hope for the best, expect the worst and it is usually somewhere in between. I would say we are in the middle somewhere. Every child is different in their reactions to the trauma of being uprooted from everything they've ever known. We have met two Canadian families here that adopted through another Ottawa agency. One of the mom's little 10 month old girl has sleep issues and apparently screamed for the first week. The other family's 1 year old little guy didn't eat for the first couple of weeks. Our little guy's issue is grief and anger. He sleeps and eats no problem but has had a lot of difficulty during his waking hours. I am not going to sugar coat it, there have been times of extreme sadness and frustration on our part. But you begin to cherish the little things. An hour of happy play becomes a wonderful success. Part of the problem was that he had an ear infection and fever. On top of that the poor guy is teething. That would drive any 10 month old crazy. Add in grieving the loss of his cherished nanny and everything he's ever know and you begin to wonder if we have damaged the poor little guy for life. We have been so lucky to have the two other families here. One of the families are adoption experts. Although they were here adopting their first child, the father is himself an adult adoptee from Vietnam. He and his wife are both experts in the field and have been a great support to us. He left with their two older girls yesterday to go back to work but his wife has been kind enough to take the time to listen to me have mini rants and panics about our inability to make Van happy. She has been so wonderful and gave me so much encouragment and strength. she talked about her own struggles and coming from an adoption counselor this was a big confidence builder. I have shared all the emotional tools she has given with Pat and we have faced the past 2 days with a renewed sense of optimism and strength. Sadly her and our other new friend the single mom and her little one are leaving tomorrow and Tuesday. We went for dinner with them tonight and will of course stay in touch with them :)
About Van, Yesterday morning was good for us. After his morning nap he seemed actually happy and relaxed. We got out of the apartment for the first time in 2 days with him and he was great. We walked around the Old Quarter to do some shopping and actually were able to sit in Highland's Cafe for 45 minutes. We've decided it's probably best to get out as much as possible because feeling shack wacky in a hotel room is not the best way to foster good vibes. The afternoon and evening was a struggle as well as this morning and afternoon. But this evening was good again and we actually got some laughs out of him. It is a very slow process but we finally feel like we might see a light at the end of the tunnel. We have a ways to go yet and it won't be easy but it will be worth it when he finally relaxes and is a normal, happy little 10 1/2 month old.
Anyway, we managed a few pics of him being happy over the past week but I can't upload with wifi as it is too slow. Perhaps I'll get a chance tomorrow on the hotel computers.
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Hi guys,
ReplyDeleteTrial by fire! (especially when you include the heat in Hanoi). Rest assured it doesn't last for ever. I was very lucky in that we only had one really rough night with Eli (the first) and Nic's transition was a complete breeze (but he was only 5 months). So I am ill-equipped to offer advice, but will nonetheless! As I know you realize, everything about the two of you is different for Van -- he probably doesn't like the way you smell, or hold him, or feed him, or soothe him (though love is love and he will learn yours). He probably doesn't like the hotel either, especially the air conditioning. So I would take him out as much as possible! You guys need it too. Don't be embarrassed if he fusses in public -- he is your son now and no one should be judging you. I found that both my boys loved a lot of action -- and probably Van is also used to being around a lot of people and activity all the time. Which is another reason why staying in the hotel room would not suit him. Whenever we took Nic to a restaurant in Hanoi the server would take him from us as soon as the food arrived (sometimes sooner!) Mostly they took him to the kitchen (lots of action and good smells) or to the front door to watch the passing traffic. That always entertained him. He even got passed around amongst some Vietnamese at the airport when we were leaving, and I momentarily thought Doug had lost him! If you have a Snuggly try walking with Van facing forward. Anyway, that's my 25 Dong worth of advice! Hang tough. It's worth it.
Marlene.